Do You Like Falling Down? I do: The Helmet Chronicles Part II

In my efforts lately to exercise more and be more green, I've been using my bike for commuting and for errands whenever possible. My bike has been in storage for a few years, and truthfully the last time I used it was for the triathlon I did in 2004. I had used the bike as-is when I bought it, including the horrid cage pedals that the manufacturer put on it. Since I have been riding a lot more, I quickly got fed up with the cage pedals and opted to buy a set of clipless pedals and riding shoes. Today was the first day I got to try out the new pedals and man was I excited!

I woke up this morning raring to go. And the start of my day went a little like this:

Me: Oh my! I am excited to try my new clipless pedals! Life is grand!

Pedals: *evil laugh*

Me: *Oblivious* La, la la! Here I gooooo! *Promptly crashes into a building*

Building: Ouch.

Me: Whoops! Let me try that again! Wheeeee here I go again (on my own)!! *Forgets how to unclip, panics, tips over*

Concrete: Hello, helmet. Nice to meet you.

Helmet: Likewise. I have a feeling we'll be seeing each other again.

Pedals: *evil laugh*

End scene.

So yeah, the clipless pedals. They have won the battle, but I'll win the war. I've already gotten scores of advice from people I've told about this regarding keeping one foot unclipped until I get used to them. Well the sad part is, I only had one foot clipped in... my brain just forgot that I had another foot to use for stabilization and down I went. The other sad part is that the building I crashed into is our next door neighbor (roughly 3 feet from where I started) and the second place I crashed was on the corner (another 4 or 5 feet down).

But let it be known, that this is not the end. It is NOT. The. End.

In retrospect, I secretly hope I looked like this:



Because that would make me giggle. And Wayne's World is the best movie ever made.

The Helmet Chronicles

It's Monday. Again.

If you are anything like me, Garfield, Dilbert and the guy from Office Space... you may have a case of the Mondays. And we hate Mondays. I'd rather have a raging case of the herp than my weekly case of the Mondays, but yet here we are. Again. Le Sigh.

So, kids, being that we are fighting off a case of the Mondays, and laughter is the best medicine, I am giving you the rare (yeah, right) opportunity to laugh at me. It's okay, I'm laughing too, so it's really more like laughing with me.

I present to you what I am calling "The Helmet Chronicles," or more appropriately "Me vs. The World: Why I Need a Helmet to Get Through the Day."

- I have a tin of cuticle cream and a tin of lip balm in my purse. Recently, I have mistakenly put cuticle cream on my lips. Twice.

- Sometimes I get jumpy. Around Christmas, I was in Walgreens perusing the Christmas cards when a man came up behind me and started petting my hair! I got startled, ducked, then turned on him ready to give him my best right jab for thinking my pretty, shiny hair is his own personal petting zoo. And then I realized it was R. Oops.

- Another time, R was sitting on the couch. I was laying on the couch with my feet near him, looking directly at him. I watched as he touched my foot. I was so startled, I screamed.

- Occasionally, R walks into a room and says something to me. I usually scream. Is it my fault that my boyfriend is a ninja?

- Last Friday, I woke up in a rush. I had a 7:30 appointment downtown, and failed to hear my alarm since I'd stuffed it under a pillow. I woke up at 7:02. In my sleep induced haze, I tried to put nasal spray in my eyes in place of visine. Then I tried to put the orange juice away in the cups cabinet.

- I joined the website ideeli.com to scope out some sweet sales. While putting things in my cart, I failed to pay attention to the quantity and mistakenly bought 4 pairs of jeans. Anyone care to buy a pair of bootcut Antik Denim jeans, size 29, for $50? I have 3 extra pairs...

- Multiple times I've gone an entire day not realizing that my underwear was on inside out.

- Think that's bad? On more than one occasion, I've mistakenly worn my workout pants backwards for an entire day.

- While in Keystone, I brought an ACTUAL helmet. Granted, it was for Snowboarding, in case I wanted to try some jumps - I didn't end up wearing it except for in our rented condo.... and guess what? I wore it backwards. Picture below:

The WRONG Way to Wear A Helmet

The Right Way to Wear Your Helmet

Photos edited using pzap.com

- This past Saturday, I caught an episode of "Shear Genius" on Bravo. A few of the stylists created looks for their models using pin curls. I had a stroke of "Shear Genius" myself and decided to try pincurls in my own hair. My hair has a natural wave to it, but I typically flat iron it straight straight straight. See below:

My hair as per usual. I'm pretty. Pretty angry.

What I envisioned was something like this: 

  

What resulted was this:

Hot. Is this a Frizz-Ease Ad or what?

Go ahead and laugh. I did. And then I pulled it back, put on a headband and got ready for work.

Please be sure to tip your servers. I'll be here all week.

Ps - This is the closest you will get to seeing what I really look like, without actually meeting me in person and signing a contract in blood not to tell my employers what I do in my spare time. Enjoy!

TMI Thursday: There's A Reason Why I Blocked This Out Of My Memory

Hey there kids. It's Thursday, which means it's time for another TMI Thursday post for the fabulous LiLu's blog, Livit, Luvit.

Really, folks. If you're not reading her blog, you're not living. Or luving.

The rules are simple: 

"Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!"

I've never been one for discretion, so naturally this is right up my alley.... and I normally don't allow things up my alley. My alley is an exit only... wow already TMI and I haven't even begun telling my story...

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White Girls Can't Dance

Let me preface this by saying, I have always been fully aware of my lack of coordination (and thus my inability to participate in team sports and the reason I took up running in the first place - anyone can run. It's just really fast walking). I am not exactly what you would call graceful... in fact I am probably the only person I know who can go to sit on the couch only to end up bouncing off a cushion and skinning my knee on the sisal rug. But I digress.

Not only do I lack grace, but I have a penchant for breaking expensive things. You'd be a fool to leave your laptop plugged in anywhere that might cross my path, as there is a 100% chance that I will trip over the cord, knocking your laptop to the floor. Luckily my sexy new MacBook Pro comes with a safety feature made especially for people like me - the AC power source is magnetized to the inlet on the computer, but quickly and easily becomes detached if the cord is yanked. So... trip over your cord? No problem. Your MacBook Pro will be unphased. Just like the glass of wine in the Tempurpedic commercials. We may not be able to say the same of your bodily person, but... as long as the computer is safe, right? (I do not work for Apple, by the way. I just really like my MacBook)

Anyway, my MacBook is fairly new, maybe a month old... I had to purchase said MacBook as a replacement for my old PC laptop, which had the misfortune of belonging to me and as a result fell victim to my clumsy hands.

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