Sunday, December 27, 2009

Baby's First Blog

As I approach my late twenties (Ouch, seriously?), I find myself reflecting on the "good old days."

A bit of history: as a kid, probably until high school, I was PAINFULLY shy. I'm sure there were a number of people who thought I was mute, because I just I never said anything. Ever. (Good luck trying to get me to shut up now.) That didn't mean that my still maturing brain wasn't bouncing with thoughts. Deep thoughts. In fact, recently while at my parents' house on Christmas Eve I was able to unearth my old diaries spanning the years 1992-1999. Or ages 9-16. Reading through them, R (the boyfriend) and I were laughing so hard.... I'm talking gasping for air, pounding fists on the floor, tears streaming kind of hard. I knew right then and there that the world had to read this. And thus was born my Baby Blog. Or rather, as I like to think of it... my adult, online diary! YAY! So over the next several days, weeks, months (however long it takes) I will be publishing the highlights of my childhood diaries. Baring my soul for all to see, and to laugh at. The entries will be transcribed as-is, no changes to correct spelling or grammar, however names have been changed to protect the innocent.

These entries will be accompanied by my present day thoughts, comments, explanations in italics.

So without further ado, behold my innermost thoughts beginning with age 9:

Nov. 6th 1992
Dear Diary,
My whole life is going wrong!! How can I help myself when I'm practilly going crazy? First I looked so weird at school and then I couldn't get my tape to work.

I would maim, possibly kill to have a life where my major life crises include looking weird and not getting to listen to my music of choice. PS. The tape in question? Either MC Hammer "Too Legit to Quit," or Michael Jackson "Black or White." I'll never know how I survived such an ordeal.

Nov. 6th 1992 (A separate entry, because apparently this couldn't have been tacked on to the other entry from that day.)
I really like Jimmy Fitzgerald (Thus begins the first of a string of crushes. Apparently I was boy crazy, but I wouldn't speak a word.) he was in my class last year and I hated him. This year I have a different P.O.V. (Point of View for those of you not in the know) and I consider him...kinda cute. I have to share a locker with him I'm glad!!!!

I long for the days when male-female interaction was as simple as sharing a locker.

Nov. 7th 1992
Dear Diary,
Maculay Culkin is so cute. (The tried and true opener for at least 50% of my entries... "Fill in the blank is so cute." You'll see.) Next Friday I want to go to the new movie Home Alone 2. Fiona has the book. If my mom doesent take me I'll go crazy!!!

Luckily, my mom did take me and truth be told, it's still one of my favorite movies.

Nov. 7th 1992 (Again with the double entries...)
More updates on Jimmy Fitzgerald. He is so cute I like him so much even though he has tiny teeth. They always look weird. (Ha, what? Just...what?) lots of people laugh at his teeth. His little sister is cute. (The whole family was cute, I guess.)

Nov. 16th 1992 (It is important to give a bit of unwritten history here. Some day between the last entry and this entry, my older brother, M, read my diary. He told me at dinner during an argument, and I said I didn't believe him. Until he made a direct quote about how cute Jimmy Fitzgerald was. At that point, I burst into tears and wailed, "HE READ MY DIARY!!!!" Oh the drama. Ok, time in.)
Dear diary I hate Jimmy Fitzgerald so much he is a dork he's only in level 3 while i'm in level 7 (Levels for our keyboarding program in Computer class. To this day I judge men by their wpm.) he is such a dork (as I said before) He is a total nerd because.............(Ah the art of keeping your reader in suspense. A 13 character ellipsis.............) Well he just is.

Clear as mud, eh? This entry was obviously my thinly veiled attempt at fooling my brother into thinking I no longer liked Jimmy in case he read my diary again. I don't think he ever did. How sad, it was all for naught. Also, 1992 T? You may have mastered the art of the ellipsis, but have you heard of a period? You use them to end sentences. Try it, you'll like it.

Nov 16th 1992 (Wow, I went from hating Jimmy Fitzgerald to the topic that follows....I must not have been very worried about my brother reading any farther. Also? Mortifying.)

I just went poo 5 minutes ago (Too much info 9 year old T, too much info!!) and now that i'm done I got up and I saw in the toylet nothing. (I believe this is what we now call a "ghost poo.") I couldn't believe it because nothing was there I was so amazed

Probably one of the most hilarious entries ever written. Extremely embarrassing, but hilarious. I put my shame on display for your enjoyment, you better appreciate it. If you ever wondered what the deepest thoughts of a 9 year old girl were... well, this is about it.

This seems like a good place to stop. It's just the beginning of an amazing journey, my friends. Until tomorrow... farewell.


In my world I ROCK said...

I can't stop laughing reading this... I guess tiny teeth would be a problem for me too

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