Sunday, February 21, 2010

Apollo Anton Ohno.... OH YES! Or: In Which I Make Ridiculous Puns

Ok, so I have been unable to peel my retinas away from the Winter Olympics on my flatscreen for about 3 days... 7 days... shit, I don't even know how many days, they all seem to blend together after a while.

Every time the Olympics are on... it's the only thing I watch all day, every day. Since the invention of TiVo and DVRs I now have the advantage of taping all the events so I don't feel pressured to hold my bladder in order to catch the end of the luge event... Also, I can tape the events that are going on while I'm sleeping or working, and not miss a single second of awesome.

It's a bummer when a year is a non-olympic year - it's my personal belief that they should start hosting a Spring and Fall Olympics so that every year can be an olympic year.

What would the Spring and Fall Olympic events consist of? Here's a sample list to get the Olympic committee started on their subsequent development of the Spring and Fall Olympics:

Fall Olympic Events
  • Speed Raking
  • Pumpkin Shot-put
  • Bobsledding for Apples
  • Turkey Chase

Spring Olympic Events

  • Easter Basket-ball
  • Cross Country Bunny Hop-Scotch
  • Distance Cadbury Egg-Toss
...all in hopes of taking home A Pot Of Gold-Medal... ba-dum-bum *ching!*

Okay, so technically St. Patrick's Day occurs in the winter, but I really think of March as a Spring month, so... suck it.

While writing this, I got curious and googled "Spring Olympics..." and I found this. Apparently I am not the only one with this fantastic idea! Sign the petition. Sign it. Sign it nowwww.

Anyway, so I think this year's Winter Olympics have been particularly fun to watch, especially having just returned from snowboarding in Keystone, I'm just jazzed up about winter sports in general.

The Highlites:

  • Johnny Weir's awesome outfits. He's sassy. Who saw his rose crown? You know you can't pull that off!
  • Apollo Ohno wins his 7th medal. In the words of R, "Apollo Ohno? OH YES!"
  • Finding out that I share the same birthday (year and all) with US snowboarder, Kelly Clark. I'm taking it as a sign that I should pursue going pro.
  • Speaking of Kelly Clark, watching her channel her inner Kelly Clarkson before every run in the women's half pipe event. She likes to sing along to her ipod to help her tune-out the crowd, I suppose... Kelly-oke? Clark-eoke? Whatever, it's off-key, and it's awesome. I'm sorry, I looked for a video, but I can only find videos of Kelly Clarkson singing. Bitch.
  • All the pushing, shoving, and slapping taking place during the speed skating short circuit... Seriously, those speed skaters are handsy. Especially the dudes.
  • The biathlon. Period. Who decided that guns and skis should go together in the same event? I don't know, but I'd like to shake his hand.
  • Shaun White, already having secured the gold, goes for his second run in the half-pipe and NAILS a Double McTwist 1260. You don't even have to be a snowboarding aficionado to appreciate how friggen' sweet that is. 1260? That's 3.5 turns! In mid air!
  • Lindsey Vonn sucking up the pain of her shin injury to win the Women's downhill ski gold medal and tell all the other skiiers to kiss her American ass!
  • I'm not completely biased to US athletes - Torah Bright's gold medal win in the women's half pipe competition was well deserved. Her second run was nearly flawless and she looked hella cool landing that switch backside 720. Even though I was rooting for the Americans, especially Hannah Teter (that girl has got heart), Torah Bright totally deserved this win.
  • Watching the multiple crashes, bails, and wipeouts in the downhill ski, luge, bobsled, skeleton, speed skating, halfpipe, and ski jump events....
  • Curling. WTF is up with that sport? I have no idea, but I know that I do love watching it.
  • USA beats Canada in hockey. Suck it, Canucks!
  • Fans with cowbells. I have Olympic Fever and the only cure is more cowbell.
I'm so looking forward to seeing what else Vancouver brings our way before this Olympic season is over.

And, being that it's no secret that snowboarding is my favorite winter sport, I thought I'd share this gem with you:

And now, since I've been depriving you fine folks of my diary entries for a few blog entries now, I owe you one:

August 20, 1995

Oh! My sweet Sassy Frassy! I'm sorry, so sorry! [Insert drawing of a sad face crying tears into a puddle] I didn't mean to wait so long to talk to you again. You know what? Mrs. C met some people in France and they came to visit her. a dad and a boy exactly my age 12! and he's so cute his name is Benjamin. Born on June 15! Ooooh, he's so cute. I love him. We went to the beach the other day and took him with. his bathing suit is like underwear which was embarressing for me and he changed his clothes outside. He took of his bathing suit and put on his underwear. Aurghh. It was a full moon out. He's leaving tomorrow. Whaaa! But were going to be penpals.Yayyyy! Well I'm tired so G'night!

Hahaha, my mom still teases me about this to this very day. No joke, she tells this story to R almost every time we go to my parents' house. The story is basically just as it sounds in the entry - our next door neighbor Mrs. C used to travel abroad and hosted a father and son from France at her home. I would go next door and play basketball with Benjamin every day. He didn't speak any English, so I would say things to him like "I love you" and "You're cute" knowing that he couldn't understand me, hahaha. Anyway, my mom is a total Francophile and speaks French pretty well since she spent a year there studying abroad. She volunteered to bring Benjamin with us to the beach one day. His swimsuit was like underwear... aka... a speedo. And you know how it is in the US vs. Europe - we are all weird and uptight and in Europe they are a little more relaxed about their bodies and nakedness... so he just went with what he knew and changed out of his swimsuit right there on the beach. I saw his naked 12 year old ass. Yeaaaah! Anyway, at the time I was totally embarrassed to be seeing a boy's butt and my mom has never let me live it down since then.

August 21, 1995

Dear Sassafrass, Here I am in the park writing to you till 3:00 thats when I have to go to my piano lesson listen I'm going to play on the swings so talk to you later! Bye!

Short entry. First I'd like to inquire as to why I have my diary at a playground? Second - my piano teacher was a heinous bitch. During one lesson, she noticed that my fingernails were getting a little bit long. She said that I had to keep them short for piano, which I had no problem with (still a chronic nail-biter... I think I need hypnosis). First, she told me to remember to cut my nails when I got home. Okay. No problem. Then, she changed her mind, and decided I needed to cut my nails NOW. Okaaaayy... And then she changed her mind again and decided that SHE needed to cut my nails FOR ME. Now, keep in mind, at this point I am 12 years old - not exactly worldly or mature, but old enough to cut my own damn finger nails. Way to go, creep. This also brings back horrific memories of my old babysitter who used to crack my knuckles against my will. Why didn't my mother perform background check on these psychos?? Oh that's right, because she let me wander the alley by myself and poop in church parking lots...

Try not to miss me too much, the Olympics may keep me distracted all day, but I will try to pause the DVR long enough to blog!


Anonymous said...

What, no curling shout-outs? There's a funny comment there for the taking about women knowing their way aroud broom :)

Also spring sport - as long as we're going religious, how about an event where you have to dress like a priest and chase around pre-pubescent boys. We can call it Pedo-Dash.

Just a thought.

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