Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Quidditch and Hogwarts and Muggles, Oh My!

If there is one thing I love more than anything in this world, it's a good "tween" novel. So, a while back when I read an article hyping up a new Harry Potter theme park? I was sold. Now, I'm seeing commercials all over the place for the grand opening this Spring for "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter" at Universal Studios Orlando.

Um. Yes, please.

See you in Orlando, BITCHES! Now if only they can start working on getting together a Twilight theme park with an Edward Cullen and Jacob Black huggable plush toy for each and every female to enter the park... Just... just find a way to make it happen!

Anyway, in other, totally non-teeny bopper related news, I just returned from seeing Jack's Mannequin at the House of Blues. Now if you must know anything about my likes/dislikes aside from tween novels and all things Pattinson and Lautner... whatever, don't judge, as of the 11th he's legal. No double standards in this house! How many college aged dudes were counting down until the Olsen twins' 18th?

Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, my likes and dislikes. If you must know anything about my likes/dislikes, you must know that in my world, Andrew McMahon is a veritable GOD. He has more musical genius in his pinky toe than the collective population of most indigenous countries.

So, I love me some Jack's, but what seemed strange was the large number of people in attendance that didn't seem to know any of their music. There were a fair number of fans, mostly in the front of the standing room only auditorium, but R and I are old and we require breathing room, so we hung out near the back. Everyone in our area was busy chit chatting and looking around everywhere but at the stage. Now, I'm all for socializing... but why bother going to a concert if you aren't going to listen to the music? It's fine if you don't know the band, but at least pay attention and enjoy the music. Also, I might mention that this was a sold out show. And tickets weren't super expensive, but they weren't super cheap either.

That's not the part that really annoyed me, though. What really burned my biscuit was overhearing the comments of these two dudes behind us as we left the House of Blues. Their interaction went as follows:

Dude 1: That lead singer, SUCKED, yo.
Dude 2: Which one?
Maybe they are talking about the opening band...
Dude 1: The one with the fuckin' emo pants on

Now, Andrew pretty much always wears "emo pants," mainly because he's just really skinny and can't wear "non-emo pants." So, it's possible that they were talking about Andrew, in which case it's good that they crossed the street right then, because I was about thisclose to taking off my heels and my earrings and laying the smack down SheHulk style... You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

What about the fact that I wasn't wearing heels or earrings? Well, that's irrelevant. I'd put some on if it meant I got to take them off to go SheHulk on them.


Okay, so here comes tonight's dear diary so I can resume this evening's Hoarders marathon. Damn. I'm lazy.

October 25, 1995

[In faint blue ink] Wahhhhh! (Sniff) (Sob) I'm sorry I lost touch with you. Wahhh! Hang on I'm gonna switch pens. Okay.
[In darker blue ink] Now, where was I? Oh yes. Wahhhhh! (Gasp) Wahh! Please forgive me. You forgive me? God bless your soul! Guess what! Zachary talks to me now, all the time. Because Mitch's pencap was stuck and nobody could get it off except yours truly. I've become famous. OH! you know what The Jr. High Halloween dance is the 27th this friday! I hope Zachary asks me to dance with him. I'm being an angel. I feel pretty. I'm on cloud nine. Oh. Hoi! I just wrote that so I can remember it when I grow up! HeeHee. Inside joke. Okay, I'll tell you that's an impression of Jessica Zalinski and here's an impression of Jessica's mom, Don't you witches ever stop?! Okay here's the scoop about the "Don't you witches ever stop?" line. Okay Linds called Jessica pretending to be Kristen. And since they have caller I.D. she was going to dial *67 to not show the phone number on caller I.D. But she forgot to so Jessica fell for it but her mom who was on the other line saw the phone number and told Jessica to hang up. Jessica said no and finally she got Jessica to hang up and then she said to Linds "Don't you witches ever stop?" And Linds started cracking up so she had to hang up. Listen Sass, I've gotta go, because I'm getting writers cramp O.K. I love you Bye-Bye! Now which part don't you understand? The Buh or the Bye, Buh-Bye! See ya! Sionara! Ciao! P.S. I love Zachary S. He is so Foin! Hee, Hee, Hee! Bye. I love Zachary Smith!!!!!

Why do I seem to be totally wracked with guilt every time I deviate from my diary writing for a few weeks or months at a time? What if I apologized profusely to my blog readers every time I went a few days without an entry? I'm SO SORRY READERS! Sooooo sorry! WAHHHHH! (Gasp) WAHHHHHH! 

Alright, I've composed myself, moving on. So my first claim to fame was removing a stuck pen-cap. See? SheHulk right here. That's what all the Jr. High boys are looking for, right? A SheHulk? 

I should mention that despite my attempts to preserve the memory of some lame inside joke in my childhood diary, I have no idea what "Hoi" means. I'm pretty sure this was the small 6 month stint in which I wasn't the target for all the mean girls at school and I jumped right on the mean girl bandwagon. This girl, who I so affectionately refer to as "Linds" is the very same "Lindsey" who used to bark at me at school and purposely stand in front of me to prevent me from joining in group conversations on the playground. So when all the girls, especially "Linds" decided to descend upon the new girl, Jessica, I caught a small break and relished in making someone else's life complete hell. What sucks is that when Jessica first came to our school, she and I were actually sort of friends and I even went over to her house to play a few times. And just like Jr. High girls do, I went along with the crowd and made fun of her just as much as everyone else when that was the cool thing to do. Stupid Jr. High Sheep. Baaaa. Well, the girls teased Jessica so much that she left our school within a semester. And then it was back to me. Damn, I shoulda been nice to the girl - maybe it would have kept the bitches off my back for a while longer, haha.

I find myself wondering what has happened to the "Foin" Zachary Smith over the years... I should facebook him, ha!

Alright, one last thing before I turn in for the night. While I was writing this, R got bored and started looking for fun games to play online. He was giggling so much from the other side of the couch, that I finally took the bait and asked him what in the Sam Hill he was laughing about. Well, apparently R was chatting live with God. Yes, THE God.

His chat transcript with God is below, my comments in italics as usual, and it is pretty damn funny.

God: Hello. What is your name? Um... isn't he God? Shouldn't he know who you are? I mean he only created you...

R: Jimbo.

God: Hello, Jimbo! Are you a male or a female? Again... shouldn't he know?

R: Both.

God: How is both?

R: Sad.

God: No. I am as happy as ever. Thanks, that's great and all, but what about me? ME!?

R: I do not think you are cool.

God: Why do you think I am not cool?

R: Because you are naked.

God: I'm not naked. If you look at my older pictures (elsewhere on my server) you will see that I had different types of coats and caps during the centuries. But I had a couple of gifted human helpers a little over hundred years ago and they adviced me to use red coat and cap, lined with fur (which is nowadays artificial).

R: I am going to kill myself.

God: Do not kill. I believe in the Ten Commandments.

R: I believe in beer.

God: What do you say to people who say that beer does not exist?

R: I tell them that they are stupid.

God: Why do you tell them that?

R: Because they are stupid.

God: That makes sense to me. Stupid are stupid.

R: It better.

God: Who is going to make me?

R: Your mother.

God: Actually, I do not have a mother.

R: You are an orphan.

God: What makes you say that I am an orphan?

R: Because you are Mexican.

God: That makes sense to me. Would you like to continue talking about lizards?

This goes on for a while, but as you can clearly see, it is hilarious. So you should chat with God and let me know how it goes. Chat with God here

Goodnight, all!


Anonymous said...

A peek in to the life of a jr. high girl (and not just through the locker room door) where were your posts 18 years ago when I needed them? I'll let you know how god and I get along...he seems pretty agreeable

Nashe^ said...

Wowee!! I hope they'll add Harry Potter to the Universal Studios themepark in Singapore, too!

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