Buckets of Fun

Remember that super creepy children's game, Mr. Bucket? Yeah, well here he is.

Yeah. Someone in the advertising department should have been fired for that one. 

Balls pop out of his mouth. Yup, they actually went there.

Listen, parents. Mr. Bucket is a scary sexual predator, coming in through your open windows to get your kids to put their balls in his top. Don't buy into it. And call Dateline's "To Catch A Predator."

So this is Mr. Bucket. I am going to kick him.... someday. In the meantime, I've made a list. And checked it twice. And now I'm checking things off.

Behold, my bucket list:

Simply T's Bucket List

1. Train for a marathon or half-marathon - I was a high school cross country runner and kept running recreationally through college and grad school, but I've never pushed myself for the long distance running. I've started training programs for a half marathon 4 times. And each time I have injured my knee to the point of being unable to run... or walk. Last summer it was a bone bruise. I don't think I'll check this one off just yet, because I still have residual pain in that knee. It may just have to wait until after I ruin my knees completely and ultimately need total knee replacements. Sigh. 

Status: Back burner. 

2. Learn to breakdance - I start a breakdance class tomorrow. It should be interesting... I'm kind of awkward. Soon, you can call me B-Girl T. That sounds way too much like BLT for my liking. 

Status: In progress.

3. Learn to skateboard - I decided that I am going to teach myself to skateboard this summer. I already know how to snowboard, and while it's not totally the same it's in the same family. Prepare for some hilarious Emergency Room stories when I start this one. 

Status: Pending.

4. Learn to beatbox - I don't know why this seems so cool to me. But it does. I wants. But I honestly have no idea how to go about beginning. Maybe I'll meet some beat boxers in my break dance class. 

Status: Undecided.

5. Learn to play the violin: I played the flute and piano as a child. I was pretty good, but it never struck my fancy. I've always admired violin players. This may be on tap this summer. 

Status: Pending.

6. Learn some awesome snowboarding tricks: On my way to this one. I can jump, but I have yet to try jibbing a rail or even any mid-air turns... I have, however, have headbutted a mountain. I truly thought I'd broken my nose. I didn't cry, I just looked up and said, "Is my nose bleeding?" This bodes well for this goal, as it will take a "no fear" "balls to the wall" attitude to accomplish. So...

Status: In progress.

7. Learn to speak spanish: Oh boy. Here's the thing. I'm Puerto Rican. My mother was born in Puerto Rico and her first language was Spanish. But she wanted my brother and I to be completely fluent in English and believed that speaking to us in both languages would ultimately confuse us and force us into Spanglish. I've never heard of such a silly thing. Kids pick up languages so easily, and now I think I'm going to have a really hard time with it. I sucked at French in high school. Why didn't I take Spanish? Because my mom wanted me to and I wanted to do the opposite of anything she wanted me to do. Kids. 

Status: Undecided.

Travel to Australia and Hawaii: God. I want to go there so bad. Not sure when I will, but one of those may end up being a honeymoon destination. The other? Definitely before I have kids. I figure that gives me about 9 or 10 years? Totally doable. 

Status: Undecided.

So there it is. My bucket list.

And now for you: Do you have a bucket list? What things are on your list and how do you plans to accomplish them?

The Helmet Chronicles

It's Monday. Again.

If you are anything like me, Garfield, Dilbert and the guy from Office Space... you may have a case of the Mondays. And we hate Mondays. I'd rather have a raging case of the herp than my weekly case of the Mondays, but yet here we are. Again. Le Sigh.

So, kids, being that we are fighting off a case of the Mondays, and laughter is the best medicine, I am giving you the rare (yeah, right) opportunity to laugh at me. It's okay, I'm laughing too, so it's really more like laughing with me.

I present to you what I am calling "The Helmet Chronicles," or more appropriately "Me vs. The World: Why I Need a Helmet to Get Through the Day."

- I have a tin of cuticle cream and a tin of lip balm in my purse. Recently, I have mistakenly put cuticle cream on my lips. Twice.

- Sometimes I get jumpy. Around Christmas, I was in Walgreens perusing the Christmas cards when a man came up behind me and started petting my hair! I got startled, ducked, then turned on him ready to give him my best right jab for thinking my pretty, shiny hair is his own personal petting zoo. And then I realized it was R. Oops.

- Another time, R was sitting on the couch. I was laying on the couch with my feet near him, looking directly at him. I watched as he touched my foot. I was so startled, I screamed.

- Occasionally, R walks into a room and says something to me. I usually scream. Is it my fault that my boyfriend is a ninja?

- Last Friday, I woke up in a rush. I had a 7:30 appointment downtown, and failed to hear my alarm since I'd stuffed it under a pillow. I woke up at 7:02. In my sleep induced haze, I tried to put nasal spray in my eyes in place of visine. Then I tried to put the orange juice away in the cups cabinet.

- I joined the website ideeli.com to scope out some sweet sales. While putting things in my cart, I failed to pay attention to the quantity and mistakenly bought 4 pairs of jeans. Anyone care to buy a pair of bootcut Antik Denim jeans, size 29, for $50? I have 3 extra pairs...

- Multiple times I've gone an entire day not realizing that my underwear was on inside out.

- Think that's bad? On more than one occasion, I've mistakenly worn my workout pants backwards for an entire day.

- While in Keystone, I brought an ACTUAL helmet. Granted, it was for Snowboarding, in case I wanted to try some jumps - I didn't end up wearing it except for in our rented condo.... and guess what? I wore it backwards. Picture below:

The WRONG Way to Wear A Helmet

The Right Way to Wear Your Helmet

Photos edited using pzap.com

- This past Saturday, I caught an episode of "Shear Genius" on Bravo. A few of the stylists created looks for their models using pin curls. I had a stroke of "Shear Genius" myself and decided to try pincurls in my own hair. My hair has a natural wave to it, but I typically flat iron it straight straight straight. See below:

My hair as per usual. I'm pretty. Pretty angry.

What I envisioned was something like this: 

  

What resulted was this:

Hot. Is this a Frizz-Ease Ad or what?

Go ahead and laugh. I did. And then I pulled it back, put on a headband and got ready for work.

Please be sure to tip your servers. I'll be here all week.

Ps - This is the closest you will get to seeing what I really look like, without actually meeting me in person and signing a contract in blood not to tell my employers what I do in my spare time. Enjoy!

Apollo Anton Ohno.... OH YES! Or: In Which I Make Ridiculous Puns

Ok, so I have been unable to peel my retinas away from the Winter Olympics on my flatscreen for about 3 days... 7 days... shit, I don't even know how many days, they all seem to blend together after a while.

Every time the Olympics are on... it's the only thing I watch all day, every day. Since the invention of TiVo and DVRs I now have the advantage of taping all the events so I don't feel pressured to hold my bladder in order to catch the end of the luge event... Also, I can tape the events that are going on while I'm sleeping or working, and not miss a single second of awesome.

It's a bummer when a year is a non-olympic year - it's my personal belief that they should start hosting a Spring and Fall Olympics so that every year can be an olympic year.

What would the Spring and Fall Olympic events consist of? Here's a sample list to get the Olympic committee started on their subsequent development of the Spring and Fall Olympics:

Read More

I'm Back!

Hi, friends!

R and I just got back from Keystone last night - it was an awesome trip.

Highlights:

• Teaching R how to snowboard and get down a blue without killing himself
• Putting aside all concept of fear and just going "balls out" faster and harder than I've ever boarded in the past - even if it resulted in a gnarly bail leaving me dazed on the side of the slope wondering if my nose was broken. It wasn't.
• Attempted and landed 2/4 jumps.
• Soaking in the hot tub after a long day on the slopes.
• Making a delicious Valentine's Day dinner for R and watching How I Met Your Mother re-runs in the condo we rented.

Also, when I arrived home late last night, I saw a small box addressed to me. Squee! It was my valentine gift from Ashalah's Be my Blog Valentine. It's basically like Secret Santa, but for Valentine's day.

My package came from Lauren, in Oregon - she sent some awesome things: The Love Actually soundtrack, A Chocolove Raspberries in Dark Chocolate bar, and a bag of coffee that smells AMAZING. I love getting mail that isn't bills, so this was definitely a nice thing to come home to. Thanks again, Lauren!

Well today is my last Photo I class, I start Photo II next week. I plan to start a flickr page or photobucket account so I can share my photos with all of you. Keep an eye out for that. In the mean time, I've got plenty of work to catch up on and class to attend, but when I return home later tonight I will post some Dear Diaries.

Sand falls through the hourglass, pages of the calendar flip rapidly, seasons change outside....
*Later That Evening*

How do you like that time elapse thing? Nice, huh? Ok, well as promised here is tonight's Dear Diaries.

4/27/95
Dear

Sorry I didn't finish this entry Sass, its just that I was reading through old entrys and I saw this one wasn't finished so I decided to finish it right now. Bye

Wow, that is an ADD entry if I've ever seen one. Clearly, I only got so far as to write "Dear" before I saw something shiny and got distracted.

May 30, 95

Yo! Sassafras! Hi! Sorry I didn't write for a while. Dude guess what! Peter Wilson finally likes me! Aieee! Hee Hee Hee Hoo! I'm doing backflips! Whohoo! O.K. enough of this foolishness. 4 more days of school. Whohoo! O.K. enough of that foolishness. Damn! Sorry I just forgot what I was going to write. Think, Think, Think. Shit! Oh well, I'm tired so I'm going to bed. Good night. See ya! Bye! Chow! See ya later! Hey I already said that. Sionara. Bye-Bye!

This is apparently when I entered my "bad-ass" phase of 6th grade. You can tell because only 6th grade thugs start off an entry with the word "Yo." Oh, but then I regress back into dorkishness talking about doing backflips (complete with drawings of loopdey-loops to demonstrate how the backflips should go). Then I realize I'm supposed to be a hard ass and I experiment with swear words for the first time (in writing at least). In fact, I think this was around the same time that I encountered some boys from school on the sidewalk after class. They were picking on me, or at least I believed that they were, so with a completely straight face I looked one of them in the eye and calmly said, "Fuck you." After that, they were all so shocked to hear the girl who never speaks a word to suddenly bust out the F-word, that they immediately stopped picking on me. It only lasted about a day, but it was totally worth it.

Gone Shreddin...

Hey there boys and girls - just letting you know that I am leaving for a snowboarding trip in CO. I will be back Wednesday of next week. I am bringing my lappy, but I don't know how much posting I'll do because I'll either be A: On the mountain or B: Nursing my wounds that I acquired on the mountain. I will try to post at least once, I don't wanna leave you high and dry!

Holla atcha girl!