Dude Where's My Car?

Ok, first and foremost: It was 73 degrees today in the Chi. Fuck Yeah! Bring it on, Spring!

So, the weirdest thing happened to me today.

I was on the phone with R this morning as I exited the house to go to work. We live on a one way street, where parking is allowed on both sides of the street.

As I walked down my front stairs, I see my car on the opposite side of the street, directly in front of our stairs. I used my key remote to unlock the doors, and I hear the click.

I open the driver's side door and the first thing I notice is a bag of M&M's.

Umm... I don't remember buying any candy... that's weird.


The next thing I noticed is that the car interior was very clean. Which is really, really weird because I spend all day driving for work, so the interior of my car resembles the inside of a home on the show "Hoarders."

The final observation prior to my *aha* moment (picture a fat, arthritic hamster running in a wheel... r e a l l y s l o w l y) was that the interior of this car was beige cloth. I have a gray leather interior... so I was really thrown for a loop.

Wait. This isn't my car.

Dude, where's my car???

I knew it had to be nearby because I heard it unlock when I used my remote. So, I turned around and there was my car on the other side of the street, just one car-length up.

What are the odds have been that a car identical to mine (except the interior and cleanliness factor) would be parked so close to my own AND have left their car doors unlocked?

Well, anyway, I totally freaked out, slammed the door, and ran away because I was afraid the owner might see me and think I was stealing their car.

Short anecdote today, not enough time for one of my War & Peace length entries since I had photography class until 9:30. I have more time tomorrow and I'm mentally choosing between a few of my stories for TMI Thursday. Keep an eye out for that!

Late add:

I'm a bandwagon, tweeting, blogging, whore. I started a twitter account for my blog. Follow me, and I'll give you a cookie! Well, maybe not, but I'll return the favor and follow you. Simply T (allearsonme) on Twitter

Goodbye, my pretties!

The Helmet Chronicles

It's Monday. Again.

If you are anything like me, Garfield, Dilbert and the guy from Office Space... you may have a case of the Mondays. And we hate Mondays. I'd rather have a raging case of the herp than my weekly case of the Mondays, but yet here we are. Again. Le Sigh.

So, kids, being that we are fighting off a case of the Mondays, and laughter is the best medicine, I am giving you the rare (yeah, right) opportunity to laugh at me. It's okay, I'm laughing too, so it's really more like laughing with me.

I present to you what I am calling "The Helmet Chronicles," or more appropriately "Me vs. The World: Why I Need a Helmet to Get Through the Day."

- I have a tin of cuticle cream and a tin of lip balm in my purse. Recently, I have mistakenly put cuticle cream on my lips. Twice.

- Sometimes I get jumpy. Around Christmas, I was in Walgreens perusing the Christmas cards when a man came up behind me and started petting my hair! I got startled, ducked, then turned on him ready to give him my best right jab for thinking my pretty, shiny hair is his own personal petting zoo. And then I realized it was R. Oops.

- Another time, R was sitting on the couch. I was laying on the couch with my feet near him, looking directly at him. I watched as he touched my foot. I was so startled, I screamed.

- Occasionally, R walks into a room and says something to me. I usually scream. Is it my fault that my boyfriend is a ninja?

- Last Friday, I woke up in a rush. I had a 7:30 appointment downtown, and failed to hear my alarm since I'd stuffed it under a pillow. I woke up at 7:02. In my sleep induced haze, I tried to put nasal spray in my eyes in place of visine. Then I tried to put the orange juice away in the cups cabinet.

- I joined the website ideeli.com to scope out some sweet sales. While putting things in my cart, I failed to pay attention to the quantity and mistakenly bought 4 pairs of jeans. Anyone care to buy a pair of bootcut Antik Denim jeans, size 29, for $50? I have 3 extra pairs...

- Multiple times I've gone an entire day not realizing that my underwear was on inside out.

- Think that's bad? On more than one occasion, I've mistakenly worn my workout pants backwards for an entire day.

- While in Keystone, I brought an ACTUAL helmet. Granted, it was for Snowboarding, in case I wanted to try some jumps - I didn't end up wearing it except for in our rented condo.... and guess what? I wore it backwards. Picture below:

The WRONG Way to Wear A Helmet

The Right Way to Wear Your Helmet

Photos edited using pzap.com

- This past Saturday, I caught an episode of "Shear Genius" on Bravo. A few of the stylists created looks for their models using pin curls. I had a stroke of "Shear Genius" myself and decided to try pincurls in my own hair. My hair has a natural wave to it, but I typically flat iron it straight straight straight. See below:

My hair as per usual. I'm pretty. Pretty angry.

What I envisioned was something like this: 

  

What resulted was this:

Hot. Is this a Frizz-Ease Ad or what?

Go ahead and laugh. I did. And then I pulled it back, put on a headband and got ready for work.

Please be sure to tip your servers. I'll be here all week.

Ps - This is the closest you will get to seeing what I really look like, without actually meeting me in person and signing a contract in blood not to tell my employers what I do in my spare time. Enjoy!

TMI Thursday: There's A Reason Why I Blocked This Out Of My Memory

Hey there kids. It's Thursday, which means it's time for another TMI Thursday post for the fabulous LiLu's blog, Livit, Luvit.

Really, folks. If you're not reading her blog, you're not living. Or luving.

The rules are simple: 

"Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!"

I've never been one for discretion, so naturally this is right up my alley.... and I normally don't allow things up my alley. My alley is an exit only... wow already TMI and I haven't even begun telling my story...

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TMI Thursday 2/4/2009

Hello, everyone! I've been wanting to participate in LiLu's TMI Thursday for a few weeks now, but I could never come up with anything good. This week, I am confident that my "TMI Thursday" entry will shock, appall, alienate, and scare off any current/potential readers. Yay, it's going to be FUN!

Without further ado, I present my very first TMI Thursday entry. Let's hope that this is just the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

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I hate to admit it...

But Tyra Banks was right.

As much as Tyra Banks annoys the crap out of me... I will admit (though not proudly) that I TiVo every episode of The Tyra Show.

Recently she did an expose on the dangers of texting while driving. In this episode she also had a segment in which she discussed the top 10 most dangerous foods to eat while driving. I looked for the full list online, but I was unable to locate it, but I will share with you what I remember.

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Simply T and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day: or why I suck at life.

While at dinner with AC and MP last night, we got to discussing our friend CK's upcoming baby shower. The conversation about babies eventually turned to a discussion about our favorite childhood books.

MP was the first to bring up her favorite childhood book - Gregory, The Terrible Eater. It's a story of a young goat, who's parents want him to eat "like a real goat," including tin cans, boxes, and other garbage. But Gregory is no ordinary goat. He enjoys a diet consisting of fruits, vegetables, fish, spaghetti - you know, real food. Ultimately, Gregory and his parents must come to a compromise - Gregory will eat spaghetti with shoelaces mixed in and other various meals combining real food and trash - a perfect harmony between the diet of a "real goat" and Gregory's personal preference.

The underlying message here - don't be afraid to walk to the beat of your own drummer. And parents? Accept your kids, regardless of their personal lifestyle choices. Very progressive, Reading Rainbow.

Next, AC mentioned her favorite book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. You know this story - a kid has a really crappy day, one thing compounding on the next. He gets gum stuck in his hair, trips on a skateboard and drops his sweater into the sink filled with water. All before leaving the house.

Then at school, his bitch of a teacher, Mrs. Dickens, craps all over Alexander's self esteem - most likely damaging him for good, leading to a lifetime of psychotherapy. Who's gonna pay for that, Mrs. Dickens? Who!? Picasso over here says she doesn't like his drawing of an invisible castle (a blank sheet of paper - give the kid a break, he's creative!), she criticizes him for leaving out number 16 while counting, and tells him he sings too loudly. Like, way to call the kid out in front of his mates, lady. It's called mental abuse, you cruel, heartless wench! Where did you get your teaching degree, anyway?

Anyway, the story goes on - and poor Alexander's day gets progressively worse. Much like my day today. Today was my Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day.

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Scattered Thoughts - Who IS Burt??

I have no central theme for today's post, but I'm thinking if I just start writing, one will emerge. So, I guess this is the best representation of how my brain is working.... in real time. Blogging Freestyle, as another blogger put it. Ready? Go.

I really like Activia yogurt, but whenever I eat it I feel like I'm sending a message to onlookers that I am constipated.

Yesterday, I was driving in my car. I had to blow my nose, but I had no tissues - so I used an alcohol swab. Note to self: Buy Kleenex.

I love dogs. So much, in fact, that if a sketchy looking man pulled up in an unmarked van and told me to get in because there was a box full of puppies in the back, I probably would. No. No. I definitely would.

Speaking of dogs, I saw one on the street today wearing a sweater and duct-tape booties. They probably weren't really duct tape, but that's what it looked like to me. Not like he had a tape-leg or anything. It was really cute, but somehow I feel like dogs are humiliated when humans dress them up. R bought some Grip Trex Bark'n Boots for A to keep his paws protected from the snow and salt. A will tolerate them, but he high steps like a baby deer on ice (Deer on Ice! Coming soon to Madison Square Garden!) and hangs his head like he is so sad that he is wearing these ridiculous booties. But he just looks so cuuuuute!

Sometimes, we put a T-shirt on A during thunder storms, since he trembles and tries to hide in the closet in fear. We read somewhere that the t-shirt "hugs" the dog and makes them feel safe, thus quelling their fear of thunder. I have yet to see any results, but he looks pretty damn cute wearing a Sigma Chi Derby Days T-shirt. Heh.

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Seven Minutes

So, I spent some time thinking about what to write about for today's entry. I had some decent ideas, but nothing that really jumped out at me. I should have known... if you build it, they will come. In this instance "it" being my blog, and "they" being the topics. I don't go to the topics, the topics just come to me. Or happen to me, whatever your preference.

We're going to do this Memento style.

End Scene: "Damn you, Spin Nazi, damn you!"

How did we get from point A, just a regular tuesday to point B, the statement above? Let's start at the beginning.

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