Monday, March 8, 2010

The Helmet Chronicles

It's Monday. Again.

If you are anything like me, Garfield, Dilbert and the guy from Office Space... you may have a case of the Mondays. And we hate Mondays. I'd rather have a raging case of the herp than my weekly case of the Mondays, but yet here we are. Again. Le Sigh.

So, kids, being that we are fighting off a case of the Mondays, and laughter is the best medicine, I am giving you the rare (yeah, right) opportunity to laugh at me. It's okay, I'm laughing too, so it's really more like laughing with me.

I present to you what I am calling "The Helmet Chronicles," or more appropriately "Me vs. The World: Why I Need a Helmet to Get Through the Day."

- I have a tin of cuticle cream and a tin of lip balm in my purse. Recently, I have mistakenly put cuticle cream on my lips. Twice.

- Sometimes I get jumpy. Around Christmas, I was in Walgreens perusing the Christmas cards when a man came up behind me and started petting my hair! I got startled, ducked, then turned on him ready to give him my best right jab for thinking my pretty, shiny hair is his own personal petting zoo. And then I realized it was R. Oops.

- Another time, R was sitting on the couch. I was laying on the couch with my feet near him, looking directly at him. I watched as he touched my foot. I was so startled, I screamed.

- Occasionally, R walks into a room and says something to me. I usually scream. Is it my fault that my boyfriend is a ninja?

- Last Friday, I woke up in a rush. I had a 7:30 appointment downtown, and failed to hear my alarm since I'd stuffed it under a pillow. I woke up at 7:02. In my sleep induced haze, I tried to put nasal spray in my eyes in place of visine. Then I tried to put the orange juice away in the cups cabinet.

- I joined the website to scope out some sweet sales. While putting things in my cart, I failed to pay attention to the quantity and mistakenly bought 4 pairs of jeans. Anyone care to buy a pair of bootcut Antik Denim jeans, size 29, for $50? I have 3 extra pairs...

- Multiple times I've gone an entire day not realizing that my underwear was on inside out.

- Think that's bad? On more than one occasion, I've mistakenly worn my workout pants backwards for an entire day.

- While in Keystone, I brought an ACTUAL helmet. Granted, it was for Snowboarding, in case I wanted to try some jumps - I didn't end up wearing it except for in our rented condo.... and guess what? I wore it backwards. Picture below:

The WRONG Way to Wear A Helmet
The Right Way to Wear Your Helmet

Photos edited using

- This past Saturday, I caught an episode of "Shear Genius" on Bravo. A few of the stylists created looks for their models using pin curls. I had a stroke of "Shear Genius" myself and decided to try pincurls in my own hair. My hair has a natural wave to it, but I typically flat iron it straight straight straight. See below:

My hair as per usual. I'm pretty. Pretty angry.

What I envisioned was something like this: 


What resulted was this:

Hot. Is this a Frizz-Ease Ad or what?

Go ahead and laugh. I did. And then I pulled it back, put on a headband and got ready for work.

Please be sure to tip your servers. I'll be here all week.

Ps - This is the closest you will get to seeing what I really look like, without actually meeting me in person and signing a contract in blood not to tell my employers what I do in my spare time. Enjoy!


Allison said...

pretty sure i put my Snowboarding helmet on backwards the first time i wore it! and since i only hit the bunny slopes...didnt really need it! love the frizz-ease ad.

Anonymous said...

That hair looks like a cross between ron jeremy and jeff goldbloom. thanks for helping to quell my case of the mondays...actually my days off are Tues/Thurs. So technically wednesday is a monday/friday and friday is a monday. I know - it's confusing to me too.

In my world I ROCK said...

the hair looks like something my mom would rock.
You blogs put my in such a good mood.

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