Thursday, January 7, 2010

Scattered Thoughts - Dumb Birds

So I've been a bad little blogger as of late. Life and my day job got the better of me. Damn you, real job! But in the past few days I've had the opportunity to do a lot of tangential thinking, and as a result I present you with Scattered Thoughts. I need to come up with a better title for postings like this, because I have a feeling that my future is filled with Scattered Thoughts topics. Why? Because that's just the way my brain works... most of the time. Suggestions welcome. Ready? Go.

I spend about 50% of my work day in my car, since my job entails going from client to client. I get to see some fun things, like a Pink Limousine. Check it:

Taking photos while driving is not an FDA approved activity.

Some not so cool things...

The damage to another car after something shiny caught my attention and I rolled into them at a stop light. Oops. Not so bad, but still... ouch.

And some just plain weird things...

Can you read the sign in the window? No? Let's get up close, shall we?
*Click click click* Enlarge.... enhance.... sharpen... I'm totally a shoe-in for the part of the techie on CSI...

Human hair for sale? Sure, why not!

Anyway, in my day to day travels this week, I approached a large group of birds pecking at some food-type substance in the middle of a residential street. Naturally, I slowed a bit to allow them time to realize that a 2-ton Ford Explorer is bearing down on them like a hungry beast. What can I say, I brake for animals. They are all cuddly and shit. Anyway, all of the birds scatter leaving but one hanger-on... I'm guessing this one's not the smartest bird in the flock. I'm getting closer. And closer. Still no movement. Suddenly I feel like I'm the star of a bad scene in a movie in which impending doom makes it's way toward the innocent victim in slow motion. Cue the bystander: "Nooooooooooo!" I get about 6 inches from that stupid bird before it finally realizes, "Oh shit! Car coming!" and flies away. I let out a deep sigh of relief because I don't think I could handle the emotional ramifications of running over a bird.

Suddenly - maybe with some really cool graphics of neurons and synapses - in my brain, I am transported into a flash-back. I travel back to age 17. Coming back from a college tour at the Big Ten university that would ultimately become my Alma Mater, my mother and I cruised down the interstate at a cool 70 mph. When suddenly - BAM!

A bird. Hit our windshield. Ohmygod. Seriously. What the hell.

I looked in the rearview mirror and saw the poor thing hurl about 10 feet up in the air to finally plop down in the middle of the highway. Not only did it scare the shit out of me (I'm easily startled - that one's for Miss Niks,) but I was also emotionally traumatized and I still have yet to recover.

Then, I got to thinking about other stupid birds in history and memorable moments in time that Darwin made those birds his bitches. From beyond the grave. That's some talent.

First, I reminisced about the poor bird that got hit by a fastball by the hand of big meanie, Randy Johnson (I know, it wasn't intentional, but c'mon Randy). SPOILER ALERT: The bird explodes. Don't believe me? Watch the video.

And then I giggled to myself when I thought about the bird that bravely took one for the entire world-team when it took a suicide dive in front of Fabio's "I can't believe it's not butter" face while on a roller coaster. Ha. Sorry, but that's funny. You know what else is funny? This.

Question: why is he surrounded by what appears to be a group of Amish women on the coaster? Are they even allowed to ride roller coasters?

That's a mind bender. Someone get back to me on that. Stay tuned tomorrow for more of my strange thoughts - I've got a lot of 'em. And a few conspiracy theories I'd like to share.

Now for the diary entry of the night:

November 26, 1993

It's 4 weeks and 1 day till Christmas (Oh great, here we go with the countdowns again...) I can't wait I love X-mas so much my mom has to see my Christmas list: her it is:

1.) Crimp and curl doll

2.) a basketball

3.) troll

thats it

can you believe it 3 things bye! (Wow, this entry was brief - just like my X-mas list. PS- I got all of the above. Suh-weeeet!)


In my world I ROCK said...

Crimp and Curl!!! TROLLS!! Oh man, the 90's... gotta love it.
I a fascinated by people whose minds entertain themselves.
(poor bird)
good blog... high five!

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